I bet sometimes my family sees me as a bit of a comic relief to the daily stresses of life – you know, like that tree-hugger of a cousin that everyone likes to poke fun of, watching me run around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to do everything I can and experiencing as much of this glorious world possible before my life blood flows away from my veins, except it’s all done in random bursts and seemingly without direction.

Just like a headless chicken.

They laugh, almost as though I’m a reminder that there are people in this world worth laughing at, that there are people in this world that you don’t need to take too seriously, because really, how can we ever do everything at once?

Silly Miss Kay. Aren’t you cute, with those cherubic cheeks and an impish grin.

Such is the case that, at my age, I still read about working as a hippy travel blogger who writes about parachuting into the rainforest while Kelly Clarkson’s “Mr. Know It All” streams from the crack of the door in my suburban bedroom at my parents’ house, as if I still have something to prove to all those boys I’d dated in the past, as if I still have something to prove to those who judge me to be someone I’m not.

Oh you think that you know me, know me

That’s why I’m leaving you lonely, lonely

Cuz baby you don’t know a thing about me

You don’t know a thing about me

As if I’m still 16 and finding my way in this world, without a clue about what I want out of life, without a clue about anything really, except that people don’t understand my joys and bright-eyed aspirations to save the world.

I recently took up yoga and kick-boxing and spending winter vacation at Algonquin and flying a plane and learning how to code and modeling and vowing to sign up for a half-marathon all the while trying to stay afloat as a teacher with a very time-consuming class of 13-year-olds. During winter break, I was home trudging through my messy pile of receipts that I’d avoided organizing and suddenly jumped up and sat in the middle of my family room, arms stretched towards the sky with my fingertips as guidance. My brother came home in the middle of all this and asked with a laugh, “Now what are you doing?”

Maybe I am as foolish as they say. Scatter-brained and all. But all I know is that I want to make an impact on people’s lives, and I want to do it in a way that will help bring them joy, because this world has enough unhappy people and if we could all just be a little more joyous and appreciative of everything we had, of all the opportunities presented to us, and maybe if we allowed ourselves the courage and inspiration to discover what brings us joy, then maybe there would be less suffering in this world.

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